Musings

Weekly Musing: Weeds in the Garden

DH Hanni

Editing is a skill that is probably the most difficult to learn. It’s something that feels as if it should be instinctive but isn’t. What I’d like to focus on today is getting rid of those small, unnecessary words which gum up writing. The kind of words or phrases we don’t really notice at first but act as weeds in our prose.

Now what do I mean by unnecessary or garbage words? What I’m referring to are words such as just, that, like, very, so, etc. Words which are overused that when removed no one misses them as it doesn’t change what’s actually being said. It can also include having too many dialogue tags within a scene where only two people are talking. It can also be repetitive phrases such as stood up, two-wheeled bicycle, shrugged her shoulder, etc.

To illustrate what I’m talking about here’s a PDF of articles I’ve found speaking to the matter. I apologize for the poor quality as I scanned this for myself never intending to share it publicly. WordsToCutOrReplace001

There are several benefits to cutting out superfluous words. Firstly, it helps tighten the prose and makes it flow better. Secondly, it’s a great starting point for getting your word count down. Thirdly, cutting out unnecessary words frees up space to allow for more of the characters and story to come out.

The 10% Solution by Ken Rand and Self-Editing for Fiction Writers: How to Edit Yourself Into Print by Renni Browne and Dave King are two books which have helped me enormously in this area. In The 10% Solution, Rand provides a list of some of the most common things writers have in drafts that can be cut or modified in order to trim word count. He encourages writers to add to this list of tendencies because we each have certain words, phrases, and motions we latch onto. In Self-Editing for Fiction Writers the authors focus on specific areas, dialogue stronger, the proportion of exposition to action, making prose sound more sophisticated without being pretentious to name a few, to make a story as effective as possible from a technical standpoint. To help you understand and practice what you’ve just read they include exercises.

My suggestion is to go ahead and make yourself a list of words and phrases you overuse. If you’re not sure, think back to feedback received on a story. Or use the example Rand gives in The 10% Solution and add to it as you become more aware. Refer to it as you edit and maybe you’ll even discover your drafts getting stronger.

Below is an example of the original draft of a paragraph from a current work-in-progress:

I stood there, naked and cold in the chamber waiting for the doors to close. I saw Brett press the green button and the doors wrapped themselves around me and locked. I stared straight ahead. The doors were frosted glass casting a soft, dreamlike halo over everything in the room. I kept my gaze focused going over and over the plan as a way to steady my nerves. Whenever my thoughts strayed from the plan, like thinking about the permanent consequences that can happen should something go wrong with the Face Former, I snapped my focus back onto the memory of seeing my deformed body for the first time.

Below is what the cleaned up version looks like:

I stood there, naked and cold in the chamber as the frosted glass doors wrapped around me and locked. I stared straight ahead, a soft, dreamlike halo over everything in the room. My gaze was focused while I went over and over the plan as a way to steady my nerves. Whenever those thoughts strayed, like the permanent consequences should something go wrong, I snapped my focus back onto the memory of seeing my deformed body for the first time.

While nowhere near what I would consider finished, it’s an improvement. As you can hopefully see I was able to get rid of repetitious phrases and tightened it up. The point is when I go back over this passage in the future I’ve given myself room to add more concrete details and to think more deeply about the character.

Once you get into the habit of weeding your work of these little garbage words and phrases, you can see the beauty of your writing come out. Think of your rough draft as your garden at the beginning of spring. There are a lot of weeds and trimming to be done, more than at any other time. It’s overwhelming but in order for the plants to get water to thrive it must happen. The same is true for your story. But as we all know that initial weeding doesn’t mean we’re done. It’s something we have to stay on top of throughout the year. And our writing demands weeding at every stage to help our garden grow beautiful.

Book Reviews

Scribbling Scrivener Reads: Drinking From a Bitter Cup by Angela Jackson-Brown

DH Hanni

Drinking From a Bitter Cup by Angela Jackson-Brown is the author’s debut novel that came out in 2014. Set in the late ’70s/early ’80s in Louisville, KY before switching to rural Alabama, the story is about Sylvia Butler. The story begins when she is 10 years old and living in Louisville with her mentally ill and alcoholic mother. They are poor and Sylvia has no friends except her mother, a neighbor, Miss Cora, and her mother’s sometimes-boyfriend Uncle Ray. Her life is incredibly rough yet it isn’t lacking in love and Sylvia thrives academically.

Unfortunately Sylvia’s life is about to become more difficult as her mother’s mental illness is accelerated by an unexpected death. Shortly thereafter her mother gives up completely and kills herself by overdosing on sleeping pills. A few days after her mother dies Sylvia is introduced to her father whom she only has seen through a picture her mother kept tucked away. Her father had no idea Sylvia existed until contacted by Miss Cora per the instructions Sylvia’s mother left behind.

The day after the funeral Sylvia is whisked away to Alabama and is immediately resented by her father’s wife. Mother Viv, as she makes Sylvia refer to her, is so angry with her father for cheating on her that instead of hashing it out with her husband, she takes it out on Sylvia. Her father does his best to get to know and love Sylvia and for the first time in her life, she has an extended family of aunts, uncles, and cousins, in addition to financial stability. With the exception of Mother Viv, her life improves drastically. But this brief period doesn’t last as tragedy once again strikes Sylvia with even more horrible consequences.

In addition to the prose, the strength of Drinking From a Bitter Cup is Sylvia. She is a smart, brave, and compassionate person. One of those people that you don’t want anything bad to happen to because they don’t deserve it. And yet the bad keeps getting piled onto Sylvia. She doesn’t need any more tests in life because by the time the book ends, she’s already gone through a lifetime of them. From the start you immediately root for her and just want to hug her and keep her close. It’s also clear she is a realist and has learned early on to rely mostly on herself. It doesn’t help that many of the adults around her hurt her in some way.

Ms. Jackson-Brown does a solid job developing all the characters including the two main villains of Mother Viv and Uncle Charles. While they are horrible people, one more so than the other, they aren’t not written as one-dimensional. It’s hard to empathize with them and they are the kind of people you’d like to scream at for being cruel to a child.

I also liked how the author brings ups such complicated issues such as untreated mental illness, poverty, death, religious belief, and various forms of abuse. Because of its setting both in time and place, those issues are a reminder to the reader that society still struggles with how to handle those issues. In some areas we’ve gotten better and more understanding, but in others we’re still failing.

One thing I thought was interesting was Ms. Jackson-Brown’s usage of symbolism. The big symbol in the book is The Wizard of Oz movie. Sylvia and her mother both loved it and the themes in the movie help support what happens in the book. From the idea of what is home to what is family to reality vs. fantasy are all touched upon. For example, one of Sylvia’s favorite memories of her mother is how they would dress up as characters from the movie and act scenes out at home. Yet those happy times of living in a fantasy world are contrasted with harsh realities of Sylvia’s mother’s depression.

Another symbol, one that is more explicitly discussed between characters, is her mother’s bed. Her mother tells her it’s where she was conceived and it’s also where her mother died. Once Sylvia inherits it becomes the scene of a lot of horrible, ugly tragedy. Yet somehow it is looked upon as a place where Sylvia will also conceive her own children and comfort them at night. I wasn’t completely onboard with that connection because it does stand for the extreme dichotomies in Sylvia’s life.

While I enjoyed the book, the one thing I didn’t care for was the ending. It’s rushed and although at least one of the villains gets it in the end, for once I’m not completely okay with a book ending on ambiguity. Normally I like open endings since I enjoy speculating and life rarely has clean, definitive endings. In Drinking From a Bitter Cup it is definitely left up to the reader to decide if Sylvia’s rosy outlook, almost bordering on delusional, on life is justified. I’m of the opinion it isn’t and I can see the cycle being repeated. I guess that’s why I have a problem with it. It saddens me to think of this very special person being stuck when she has kind of personality to break it. The ending also disappoints me because the author uses a plot device I cannot stand and think is cheap and overused. I can’t state what it is since that gives away part of the ending.

Drinking From a Bitter Cup is one of those books that is incredibly difficult to read because it pulls out of the reader all kinds of emotions. Overall I give it 4 pencils out of 5. It’s very gut-wrenching and one to be read with a box of Kleenex nearby.

Musings

Weekly Musing: 5 Words or Less

DH Hanni

I found this idea for a blog post months ago when I was struggling to come up with topic ideas. I must admit this one is difficult for me for a couple of reasons. It’s difficult for me to condense my thoughts. You’d be surprised how long the rough drafts of these posts are. The second reason this is difficult for me because it’s always been difficult for me to narrow down what my favorite book and character are. After much thinking I realized I still can’t pick one.

The point of this rambling post is to describe myself, my favorite book, and my favorite character in 5 words or less. Okay, here we go.

Myself – Um, can we move onto the next question?

My Favorite Book – Changes, but I respond to theme of isolation the best.

My Favorite Character – Don’t have one but my favorites are people who don’t fit the norm.

Yup, can’t keep it to 5 words or less.